Lately I've been trying to come to grips with -- for lack of a better phrase -- my diminished capacity. The lack of sleep, compounded with my current propensity for stress and inability to multi-task, has forced me to reconsider areas that used to be personal strengths. I have been keenly aware of it since I started working on the play. I've directed and assistant directed nearly a dozen productions. And while I've had various difficulties with some of the shows (particularly having patience with cast members), I usually don't have trouble being creative or possessing some sort of artistic vision for the show. This time, however, I am hard pressed to come up with anything constructive to tell the actors. I sound dangerously similar to phrases I might read on student evaluated papers: Good job! or, Neat! or, I really like that shirt you're wearing today!
I'm trying to keep a positive outlook about the whole thing, not get discouraged or depressed, especially since the director isn't bothered by it. However, an even greater task looms before me this week.
Next Wednesday is the last day of my Irish Lit class. I'm dreading it for two reasons: one, I really enjoy the class and it'll be sad to have it end; and two, I have a 10-page paper due that I still don't have a topic for. And I'm beginning to get a little bit nervous about that. Normally I'd be way ahead of the game by now. Have the topic. Have my sources. Have an outline of what to write about. Wouldn't be panicking too much knowing that I could whip out probably 7 of those pages in a few hours. This time though, this time it's different. I'll have to wait until Sydney is in bed before I'll have those few consecutive hours to write, and nighttime is not my best time. I hardly trust myself to write when I'm tired, which incidentally is pretty much all the time. I'd wake up the next morning realizing my thesis was something like 'James Joyce had absolutely no influence over modern Ireland today.' *Shudder*
There are some topics I could write a lot about. Maybe even somewhat intelligently.
Okay, class. You had nine months of pregnancy, and now nine months of parenting. Compare and contrast. Paper long enough to sufficiently cover the topic.
Thesis: While pregnancy and parenting share common factors such as disrupted sleep patterns, episodes of worrying, and hormonal fluctuations, the key difference is that having a child requires considerably more time and energy. Additionally, this child is insusceptible to reason and all manner of pleading, begging, and other forms of coercion, refusing to coordinate their schedule with yours.
fifty pages later...
Conclusion: Despite the difficulties of parenting, most subjects find the rewards of parenting to surpass any that pregnancy may give (ex: preferred seating on the bus). Furthermore, that which makes parenting hard work (ie: the blessed child) also brings the most rewards, specifically a love so great you feel as if your heart will burst.
Now, why can't someone assign me that paper?