From the beginning this little baby was determined to go unnoticed. If it weren't for the three positive pregnancy tests and this beautiful little ultrasound photo taken on Tuesday, then I wouldn't have noticed her at all. Never once felt sick. No tiredness. No food cravings. Just a little fluttering in my heart that felt like love.
I noticed her.
This morning I went to my moms group. Chatted with my friends. Ate breakfast. Played a game. Listened to the speaker. All fine.
Then my friend asked me how I was doing.
Monday I was fine.
Tuesday I had a doctor's appointment, but the morning had not been fine. The baby who would not be noticed was making me notice her. But we got a picture and watched her heart beat. And I got the all clear despite signs to the contrary. I wrote an entry announcing the pregnancy, but didn't post it. Call it instinct.
Wednesday didn't improve, and that afternoon the little baby whose picture was on our fridge arrived in our home. Tiny. Hard to notice, except for the little red dot that was her heart.
My friend asked me how I was doing, and we cried together. Two women, and then three, and then four. My friends who hugged me and comforted me and cried with me. They noticed me and loved me.
God does not make sorrow grow on limbs too weak to bear it. He knows this won't break me. I am not bitter. I am not angry. I am not resentful. I am not even confused or wondering why this happened. I am comforted knowing that He is is control and has a plan for my life. I know what my prayers were, and I trust that He answered them in His own way. He notices me, and He is taking care of me in all my sadness of noticing this little baby.
Thank you for your kind comments, and thoughts and prayers.
It does not go unnoticed.