Okay, so I know that I don't deserve much sympathy for feeling a bit crazy that Jason was back at work today, but it's definitely something I'm going to have to work on. In the last six weeks, I've had exactly one full day in which I alone was in charge of the two girls. In the last six weeks, I've only been out of bed before 9 AM maybe three times. In the last six weeks, I've had the 'baby blues' a total of 4 hours. Maybe.
Today I was on my own.
I know, I know. Moms do it all the time. Everyday! All by themselves! With half a dozen children! A dozen children! Two dozen! And they have dinner on a clean table for their husbands, as opposed to the scenario at our home tonight where Jason made me dinner (a delicious meal of scrambled eggs, sausage, tater tots and toast) while I sat on the floor in a daze.
Last night I planned out my whole day so that everything would be perfect. I'd get up early. I'd do power yoga. I'd drive the car to the dealership to be worked on and powerwalk the two miles home where I'd prepare lunch, do the laundry, and have the patience of saint with Sydney while I simultaneously convinced Julianne that sleeping in her crib was a brilliant idea that she should embrace wholeheartedly with her tiny clenched fists.
Really. I'd laugh at my own delusionment if I weren't so tired.
Well, I did get the car to the dealership. And I did walk home with Syd in the stroller and Jules in the Ergo. True, it was cold, the stroller got a flat tire, it was more than three miles by the time we stopped at the post office for stamps and candy, and my hips reminded me that they weren't in the best of shape. However, the sun was shining gloriously, and Sydney was truly grateful that I got her M&Ms at the post office. I got a non-prompted, sweetly voiced "Thank You," and that's pure gold.
Laundry? Clean house? Progress on Julianne's sleep habits? Patience during the "dine and whine" session? Not so much. Oh, and the yoga? Seriously.
But I have to remember: baby steps. Baby steps from the bed to the kitchen, from the kitchen to the livingroom, from the livingroom to the laundry room. I didn't cry today. Not once. I gave Sydney a bath, got her in clean clothes, and took a shower while she watched Winnie the Pooh. I fed Julianne, changed a dozen diapers, and even exfoliated her feet. I made our bed. I sent out thank-you cards. I graded some papers. I'm even getting in a blog post. Moving to zone defense after all these weeks of man-to-man has had some challenges, but it'll get easier. Sure, it'll be tricky to get through February, an already horrid month (aside from my birthday to kick it all off...and Valentine's Day...and the Oscars...but otherwise, horrid horrid month), but the baby blues don't last forever. Plus, Jason is home at 4 every day. It'll be okay. I know this.
Create realistic expectations, don't freak out about the house, don't worry about the weight, the laundry, the meals, the sticky floors. I know the pep talk. I've given it and received it before.
I had a good day. A good day. So why am I still feeling blue?