Week 143: Wanting to be better

I've started four different posts today. One about potty training (BIG NEWS: Sydney has had multiple dry nights and yesterday she pooped in the toilet--serious cause for celebration). One about Lent (the results of not eating chocolate or junk food? Massive migraines from the caffeine/sugar withdrawal). One about the Oscars (Yay for Martin! And yay for Jennifer Hudson, but that poor girl and her red dress! It so clearly didn't fit her, and I was nervous just watching her dance on the stage fearing that those little cherry tomatoes weren't going to make it through the song.) And one about my trip to the fabric store to get material for curtains (I had lunch with the always fabulous Diane, and after seeing all the lovely decorating projects she's got going, I was totally inspired to make curtains).

But in the end, I can't get any of those things into a coherent post because my mind is being pulled in so many different directions. Mostly I just feel like I need to re-evaluate my priorities, and figure out what I should give up, and what I should keep, and what I should give up even though I really want to keep. I'm finding that it's hard knowing how to balance parenting,
and mom grouping,
and teaching,
and blogging,
and wifeing,
and cleaning,
and friending,
and reading,
and praying
and... *sigh*

My head is so noisy these days with everything that's going on. I don't want to give anything up, because all those things are important to me. But I can't figure out how to do them all well. I'm even fretting about this post because I could have written it better, if only my mind was a little clearer.

Of course, it doesn't help that I'm sleep deprived, and so I don't really have a good perspective about anything. Something has to change though. Something.

Comments

[Jen]

I think we're all searching for that perfect balance. How much "outside work" is enough to keep my busy and productive without taking away from giving my kids my best? I'm trying to figure that out too.

Congrats to Sydney on pooping in the potty. We are still waiting for that wonderful day around here.

[Nancy]

I hear you. I am struggling with the balance of life myself lately -- sometimes I wish for more hours in the day, but I know I'd fill the extra ones up too.

Congrats to Sydney on her potty advances! That's big news.

[Alida]

Easy girl. You are going to be just fine. Remember, you have a newborn on top of everything else you had going. My advice, not that you asked, but I'm always inclined to give it, is go back to bare bones. God, husband, children, job, sleep. Everything else can start fitting in as you become comfortable with your new responsibility and schedule. It seems so unfair to have to give up what we enjoy. Be realistic, you enjoy your husband, your children, your faith, your job....see you're not really giving anything up. Good luck, seems like I was in your shoes just yesterday.(literally) Keeping you in my prayers

[ally bean]

Do less, enjoy more? Or do the same, less well? It always seem to come back to a choice between those two alternatives for me. You'll find the right balance soon enough.

[Karen]

I understand too. I feel that a lot. And there is so much more I would LOVE to do. Quilting, mending for others, scrap booking, speniding time in my kids class rooms, so on and on!!!
Keep it all in prayer...maybe in those early hours?
Love you

[Leslie]

This is a hard one. I don't think I have it figured out after 10 years of parenting. Just when I get balanced, something else comes along.

Do the best things for you. And try not to feel guilty about the choices you make. Otherwise you'll just be miserable doing all the wrong things.

And the newborn aspect makes it 10 times more difficult. Give yourself space to rest...you are still in the early difficult stages with Julianne.

[Erin]

I totally relate! That's why at the beginning of the year, I dropped everything and started to focus on my immediate things; husband, kids, family, self...It really bites the big one when you have to give up stuff that you LOVE but if I didn't, I would've been miserable and so would everyone else. Start by giving yourself credit for what you HAVE accomplished instead of what you HAVEN'T or CAN'T. Even the tiniest things count!

[raehan]

Typepad is working for me, today.

I remember when my girls were as little as yours, I decided that I needed to be the nicest person to myself, because nobody was going to understand or appreciate what I accomplished each day, nobody but me.

Be your own nicest person to yourself, especially when you feel like you are dropping balls all over the place. Dropping the balls is okay. You can keep trying to juggle, or throw some balls out, whatever YOU want to do, but know however many you juggle, dropping some whenever you need to is okay.

[kim]

I too did not think Jennifer Hudson would survive her performance without a wardrobe malfunction. I was embarrassed to admit I couldn't take my eyes off!