I mentioned earlier that I was going to tell two cheesy jokes to my students, and thought I should give you the other one since it is hands-down one of my favorites. Naturally, I learned it from my dad. Also naturally, my students are alternately horrified/annoyed/freaked out that I tell this joke and find it so amusing. College professors definitely should be more serious than moi. [Sidenote: After two years, I have finally given up the fight against being called "professor." I'm really not a professor, I'm just an instructor. An adjunct instructor with no PhD to my name. But, my students call me professor, and if I tell them not to, then they just resort to calling me, "Hey, you." So, I've learned to accept the title of Professor S----- and not fight it.]
I should add, before telling the joke, that the punch line works a lot better told out loud. It loses most of its punch in writing, but I share it here so that you can go forth and give your friends even more reasons to roll their eyes at you. Also, I'm giving you a shorter version of the story even though it generally takes me about 4 minutes to tell the whole thing because I insist on elaborating by using local restaurant names and acting it out with voices. Sophisticated, I am not. Entertaining, I am. Sometimes.
Three strings walk into a restaurant and decide to order some lunch*. The manager notices them and asks, "Excuse me. Are you strings?"
"Yes, we are," they reply.
"Sorry," he says, "We don't serve strings."
"You don't serve strings! Why not?"
"We just don't. I'm sorry, you'll have to leave." The strings protest mightily but in the end they are thrown out of the restaurant.
By this time they're really hungry, but they aren't giving up on their mission to get some food. "I have an idea," says one of the strings, "let's dye ourselves green so they won't know we're strings." The other two strings think this is a good idea, so they all eventually find themselves looking quite green. They walk into the restaurant again, sit down, and order some food. But before their food arrives, the manager sees them again, marches over and demands, "Are you those strings I just threw out?"
The strings try to evade his question, but eventually admit that they are those same strings. With great force, the manager throws them out of the restaurant again with the directive to "Stay out!"
At this point, they are ready to give up, but one string decides to take one more shot at getting in. "It's an outrage," he fumes. "Strings need food too!" His friends leave, but he comes up with a plan. He ties himself up, messes up his top threads, and is sure that this new disguise will do the trick. Once again, he goes back to the restaurant, orders his food, and waits.
Just as his food is about to be delivered to him, the manager arrives and looks at the string long and hard before saying, "Aren't you that string I've been throwing out all night?"
The string looks back at the manager and replies with great conviction, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
I've told that joke dozens of times and it still cracks me up every. single. time.
*I did up my sophistication level a little bit this time around because I said the strings were ordering creme brulee, and they were ordering at Bentley's Grill even though j.james has really good creme brulee too. Certainly that has to make me just a teeny tiny bit cooler, yes? No? Really? Well, okay. It's still a good joke.