Week 195: In the blink of an eye

Every six months, Sydney and I take a drive up to Portland to see our dear ophthalmologist Dr. Landon for an eye appointment. That first appointment was kind of traumatic for us, just in learning that Sydney needed glasses, that she was far-sighted, that her eye crossing inward wasn't a temporary phase. Since then, however, Sydney wearing glasses has become pretty normal for us. Each time we have an appointment, we go in with fewer fears and worries. Sydney wears glasses. No big deal.

Although for as much as it's "no big deal," it has certainly had no small effect on her personality. We're pretty sure that she was born with poor vision, which explains a lot of the kinds of personality quirks she had as a baby. She always cried if we were very far away from her...probably because she couldn't see us. She never wandered away from us in public places...probably because she didn't know where to go. She rarely smiled at strangers...probably because she couldn't recognize the expressions on their face. I'm sure plenty of kids are like this--even with perfectly good vision--but it makes sense why she was like this, considering.

Although she is a typical kid at home--silly, energetic, smiling, ready to laugh at anything--out in public she can be very shy, reserved, even sullen at times. I'm guessing those first twenty months of not being able to see very well are responsible for this. I used to worry about this because sullenness is, well, not endearing. She's gotten better though, through a lot of role playing and coaching at home.

"What do you say if someone says you have pretty hair?" (the comment she receives the most)

"Thank you."

"And why do you say thank you?"

"Because it's polite." Yes, indeed, good manners matter.

Even at random intervals during the day I'll say, "What pretty hair you have, little girl." To which she smiles and says, "Thank you, Momma." Nevermind that we might be creating pint-sized vanity; she has to learn to be polite.

On the upside, having glasses has given her opportunities to develop positive character traits. She's learned responsibility through taking care of her glasses. She's learned to be careful, knowing not to put her glasses away with the lenses down, or to call for help if someone (including her sister) grabs for her glasses (which resulted in the only time I have publicly scolded a kid in Spanish for taking Sydney's glasses). She's very detailed oriented with a keen eye for puzzles, a trait she's learned from having to memorize where things are when she doesn't have her glasses on to see.

I have to keep all these positive things in mind as I process the newest development in Sydney's vision. Last Sunday, I had planned to write about how we've adjusted so well since the initial diagnosis. I remember reading through the first post and thinking, "Wow. We don't even worry anymore about Sydney's eyes." I recalled with understanding Gretchen's comment about how glasses are just part of who her son is. I didn't think I'd ever get to that point, but I did. I am. Sydney wear glasses, and for the most part the only thing we worry about is Jules breaking them (again) or when we'll be able to teach Sydney to clean her glasses without our aid.

Then I heard Dr. Landon say, "Since her eyes are still crossing, then I think she should wear bifocals." She went on to explain how this would work, and I nodded and kept my face free from emotion. "Of course," I said when she was done. "We'll get the prescription filled this week." I haven't filled it yet.

Truthfully, I'm doubting myself a little, knowing that Dr. Landon made the prescription based on my comment that Sydney's eyes still cross when she's looking at something up close. It's a true observation, but maybe I've overreacted.

I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. In a matter of seconds, I went from patting myself on the back for my fabulous adjustment, to wishing that Jason was there to hold my hand on the drive back from Portland. Jess's comment last week helped me realize that bifocals aren't the end of the world; Sarah's comment has me considering getting a second opinion, which I had been thinking about anyway. Both comments helped me take a deep breath and clear my head a little.

So, here, a week later, I'm feeling a little less bravado. And here, a week later, I'm feeling a little less worried.

Welcome to this marvelous world we call parenting.

*****

(c) 2008 Creature Bug. All rights reserved.

Comments

[kimberly]

I had to wear bifocals for the same reason, only I was in second grade. I had to wear them for about a year and after that I was able to go back to regular glasses.
does syd have any friends without glasses? I was so scared to go to kindergarten because of my glasses, but I remember how excited I was when there were TWO other kids with them!

[Marilyn]

Hi Stephanie, just caught up on your posts. Happy Belated Birthday! (I missed several bloggy birthdays in the weeks I fell behind.) Congrats on the backyard progress...and loving the new banner. Hope all is well. I *should* give up websurfing for Lent...but since I equate Lent with mean ol' nuns, I choose to not observe. ;)

[Leslie]

Hey there friend. There can be no harm in getting a second opinion, or waiting for awhile until you feel comfortable filling the prescription. You are the mama, and Sydney's best ally in the quest to help her! If it doesn't feel quite right, maybe it's not. Jason has gone to get glasses on two separate occasions and gotten the wrong prescription and had to go back to get a new exam done. So, that kind of thing can happen.

Also, for the record, since Molly's been wearing glasses, she has grown to love them. She now comments that she just wouldn't look right without them! That makes me smile because I'm so glad she doesn't have trauma about wearing them. Probably for Sydney it'll be the same way, she'll be so used to it that it will seem weird without them.

[molly]

I had to wear bifocals as a kids because I was born with crossed eyes. Even though I had surgery to "fix" my eyes at 10 months, I still had to wear them. 3 surgeries later, my last one being around age 13, I ditched my glasses. I only needed them for that issue. However my mom could always tell when my eyes would start crossing...when I was tired and such.

Even today when I have a one on one converstatin with someone, eye contact is hard. I know one of my eyes wanders off becasue I simply cannot focus on anything with both eyes. There are moments during the converstation where I feel insecure...especially when I see the person look away...the direction where my wandering eye is looking...then the confused look as to why I "looked" the other way.

I guess I just wanted to take up space on your comments to let you know that I care. It's tough watching your child go through times like this. You take all the time you need to adjust. Sydney is precious and oh so beautiful. Just like her mommy!

[Ariadne]

I would heartily agree with both the sentiment that bifocals aren't that big of deal, and that it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion anyways. I didn't especially like it when I had bifocals, and it turns out that I also didn't really need them (as I discovered when I switched eye doctors for insurance reasons).

My eye problems are not the same as Syd's, so it may very well be in her best interests to have them. On the other hand, if she doesn't need them, it'll be one less annoying thing she has to deal with on a daily basis.

[Lynette]

2nd opinions are always a wise decision!

Oh, and way to go about teaching Syd about politeness with hair compliments. I always got them when I was a kid, but I hated them because I hated my hair and I thought people were making fun of me. Apparently when I was about 3, I just turned and glared at a woman for saying I had pretty hair! I'm sure that my mom was constantly working with me on that.

[ally bean]

I'm smiling here because I relate to Lynette's comment about hair. I also thought that people were making fun of me 'cause I hated my hair-- and my mother was forever telling me to "just be nice."

Good luck with deciding about the bifocals. I had bad vision as a young child, but never had bifocals. I had an eye patch which turned me into an instant pirate. [I can still "aarggg" with the best of them.] At least bifocals aren't noticeable-- unlike a patch.

[Margaret]

I like my bifocals because they allow me to see the world. However, I can understand your angst about your young daughter having to wear them. Can you get a second opinion, just to feel more confident about it?

[Kelly]

I wore bifocals from the age of 3 all the way to fourth grade. I had the same problem. None of my classmates really noticed that they were bifocals... I got contacts in fourth grade and my vision corrected itself. By sixth grade I was totally without contacts or glasses and haven't had any problems since (and I'm in my thirties) Don't despair! Just tell her that only the smartest little girls are allowed to wear glasses:) Kelly www.ballerinabaublesnbows.com

[Valerie]

Josh has excellent vision. I've worn glasses since I was 5. (I have very poor vision- nearsighted.) We have noticed that one of Makayla's eyes starts drifting out every now and then- mainly when she's tired or bored or daydreaming. We mentioned this to her pediatrician at her 18 month appointment. She got a referral to an opthamologist who called yesterday. It could be something so simply correctable, but if it's not, it's great to know that there are so many others out there who are in the same boat!

Sydney's a cutie no matter what. I'll be interested to find out how things continue with her vision/eye correcting!