Father's Day Comes on Friday

Thank you for all your prayers and sympathies. It's been quite a week, not all good or bad, but here at the end of it I'm exhausted. All things considered, the family is doing quite well coping with their grief. They did find out a few days ago that Jason's grandpa didn't have cancer--the doctor on call had misdiagnosed it--that he, in fact, had a severe case of pneumonia and consequently had developed a staph infection. This was the reason why he deteriorated faster than anyone anticipated, and by the time he arrived at the hospital there was no treatment at all for his condition.

For whatever reason, the news of pneumonia instead of cancer was a kind of relief to everyone. I can't explain why except that complications from pneumonia seemed less heartbreaking than cancer. So. That was healing news.

And that seems to be the theme of the week: news, more news, different kind of news, details, arrangements. Not having Jason here has been hard. Not because I'm overrun with emotion, but just handling all the phone calls and such has worn me down.

Fortunately, I was blessed to be visited by two sweet friends this week. Devon came Wednesday and organized my books, as well as mercifully hauling away bags of teaching materials I was going to recycle. My dear friend Laura and her two boys visited Friday and much merriment ensued with jumps on the trampoline and rides on the Mule.

Of course, the packing and organizing continues. There are few breaks in that, and even though the joy of living here hasn't worn off, I tell you what has worn off: the adventure of solo parenting.

Truth be told, this weekday single parenting was never really an adventure for me. It always pretty much was horrible, but I was committed to being a trooper and a good mom and shouldering through it. I don't like being away from Jason, but having the weekends together has brought at least some stability to our lives. This week, however, he's away to the East Coast--currently in Washington, D.C.--and so this weekend he's absent. He's flying home Tuesday night, but then has to spend Wednesday and Thursday in Salem finishing up school stuff. And so Friday is D-Day.

It's helped that my family is here to help me out. It's helped that the girls get to spend a few hours a day at preschool with Jason's mom. It's helped that I have friends who visit and invite me out to lunch. All that keeps me going.

But still. I'm not winning any awards for my parenting skills.

The thing is I'm a better mom when I have Jason with me. Really, I'm a better person all the way around. It's more than just missing him; it's needing him, needing his presence, needing someone to consult with, commiserate with, complain to. Even if I wasn't a mom, I'd be missing living apart from Jason. But living apart and trying to juggle parenting is hard. Really hard. And this week with all its dynamics has worn me out.

So tomorrow is Father's Day, and even though I'll be thankful to the high heavens for Jason, I won't get to make him breakfast or give him a card. And while some people might think it's easier to be let off the hook from any real celebration, I'm bummed. Because of his trips, he's missed Father's Day for the last four years. This year, though, is the hardest.

We just want him here. We just want us all to be together.

And the next five days can't be over fast enough.

Comments

[Margaret]

I know exactly what you mean--my husband is more laid back, logical and doesn't tend to overreact the way I do. (who, ME?) He balances me out and I do the same thing with him with my insistence on natural consequences, especially when the girls were younger.(he's protective) So, it's hard when the balance isn't there. I'm bummed too because my older daughter won't be here for her birthday. The past three years we've always been gone to gymnastics nationals on her birthday and then this year, we're at home--but she's in Africa!

[Karen]

I alway's tell Darren that if one of us goes it better be me because he is so much better, and I need the 2 of us to make it!!! I SO understand. And we are so sorry about Jason's granpa. Praying for peace for the whole family. And knowing what that feels like to not have your own Dad around for Father's day.

Many Hugs friend.