Creature Bug

She's Disappearing

There is a fine line when writing about your children. Some stories belong to our children and don't necessarily need to be shared with the whole wide world.

Lately, I have wondered exactly how to approach telling the story of Jules. Maybe someday she'll find all this quite an invasion of her privacy, and to the future Jules reading this: I'm writing about this because I think it's important for our family. This story is not just your story. It's the story of us and you and your sisters facing this together.

*

Jules has always been a spicy kid. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow knew a girl like Jules.

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.

I would say that fits Julianne's personality (and looks) exactly.

Through various parenting techniques, we've managed to keep her more on the good and spicy side, rather than the opposite. We breathed a sigh of relief when she turned four, hoping that this would be the age that she would grow out of some toddler behaviors.

Rather than grow out of toddler behaviors, she seemed to regress into them. Except now she's older, stronger, smarter and has a much larger vocabulary.

I'm sure that having a new baby added to the family mix didn't help matters when it came to Jules, but her reactions in the last six months have been more severe than moderate, and her personality has become less sweet and spicy and more difficult.

At first, it was just the uncontrollable temper tantrums. She would scream and kick and cry for hours. So in June, we took Jules off red dye #40. There's a fair amount of research (here's just one link) that indicates red dye has a negative effect on children's behavior, and admittedly, we saw an instant improvement in her temper tantrums. We thought that maybe we had found a solution to the over-emotional behavior.

But the improvement was short lived. Over the course of the last two months, Jules' anger level has skyrocketed. Not just a little bit of anger.

A lot of anger.

The kind of anger you might see with kids who have gone through a traumatic event, except that we can't identify what kind of traumatic event she could have gone through (and believe me, I have asked her all the important questions that could be asked).

The kind of anger that has Jules telling us she hates us. Every day. Has her saying no. To every request.  Has her punching, kicking, biting, screaming, throwing things. Last Tuesday she got irritated with me as she was taking a bath, so she emptied out the bathtub in a fit of rage. "You are a stupid woman," she screamed. Having grown weary of the "It's not okay to call names" line, I said instead, "I think you meant to say 'Happy Anniversary, Mama.'" 

I tell her she can hate us. We still love her.

I tell her she can't call names. It's unkind.

Obviously, we're doing more than just talking to her about her behavior, but even the great techniques of Positive Discipline haven't made a huge difference in Jules.

Day after day, my loving daughter is vanishing before my eyes.

I met with a child psychologist a couple weeks ago, and 90 minutes later I felt no better than when I had gone in. I'm all for counseling, but I'm pretty sure that "well, good luck with that," isn't a helpful option. The counselor's assessment was that Jules just hadn't grown out of the Terrible Twos. And maybe it was my fault for downplaying Jules' behavior. Either way, I felt like my concerns weren't taken seriously.

We are exhausted and disheartened and unsure of what is going on.

Last week, we met with a naturopath who did take our concerns seriously, including one particular erratic behavior that Jules just recently started doing. We explained what was going on, and when I said, "I've been reading all these parenting books, but I just feel hopeless."

He said, "It's not a parenting thing. You know that, right? It's something else. It's chemical."

I feel sure that there is something happening beyond my parenting abilities. I just wish I knew what it was. And even knowing that there is something doesn't actually make me feel that much better.

On the doctor's advice, we are having Jules go dairy/gluten free. It's a big leap. It feels overwhelming, and I haven't really let myself cry about it, although now as I type it out, I'm feeling pretty weepy. Fortunately, we live near Portland where DF/GF stuff is easily accessible. In fact, we don't even have to go into Portland for that kind of food. There are specialty stores just down the road.

Unfortunately, we don't know that it will work (even though there is a ton of research out there that proves gluten affects mood).

And unfortunately, we're still dealing with one angry kid who breaks our hearts every day. It's hard to take her places anymore. Hard to be in the car with her. We can't have cousins sleep over anymore. Can't get through a family meal without serious incident. In short, it's just plain hard to be around her.

Jason and I are responding to the situation in much different ways, which in turn has been tough on our relationship.

I'm trying to be optimistic because I have to believe that our sweet girl isn't gone forever. I would consider the atmosphere of our household fairly toxic right now, and even though all my prayers for patience are not going unanswered, I can't imagine much more of this.

*

On Monday, Jules is having some bloodwork done, and maybe the results will give us some direction. We're meeting with the naturopath twice a week for the next few weeks, and maybe that will help too. Maybe the DF/GF diet will help.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

This much is true: Something happened to our sweet girl, and I will do whatever it takes to get her back.

The Frog Days of Summer

Summer To-Do List: catch a frog (kissing optional)

Done.

Freen Collie returns.

Well, it might not be Freeny, but it's definitely his close relative.

The plan was actually to catch several frogs, but only Freen Collie was too slow for our nets. Cousin Amanda was in charge of holding Freeny whilst we attempted to catch other frogs, and she is something of an expert in the frog holding arena since her older brother is the Family Farm's resident frog catcher and has educated Amanda in all things "frog holding."

Sydney said hello.

Jules thought she'd do Sydney one better.

Around here we call it frogamesmanship.

Not really.

But we should.

Smooch!

I'd say that's quite an improvement (of sorts) over last year's frog encounter:

While we had Ol' Freeny around for a visit, I thought now would be a good time to introduce Addie to our frog neighbors.

(Don't you just love her little temple dimple? It kills me, it's so sweet.)

She was pleased to meet his acquaintance.

All things must come to an end though, so we gave Freeny a friendly hug,

and sent him on his way home.

Even though I wouldn't call my kids country kids (as in, ranch/rural/farming kids), they are most definitely not city kids. I guess I'd call them outdoor kids. Outdoor kids who happen to be quite friendly with frogs.

Much to Freen Collie's dismay.

9 & 8 & 14 years

The Family Farm cousins unite again!

They didn't have to dress up, clean up, wash their face, put on costumes or sing songs--they just had to get together and smile at the camera. And honestly, I would have been happy even if they weren't smiling. Initially, I wanted them in birth order, but that would have required handfuls of candy which I didn't have on me. The birth order? It's close. Close-ish, anyway. Sarah helped keep the kids from tumbling down the slide, and also got Miss Addie to smile. We gave each other a dozen high fives at the end since none of the kids would give them to us.

Hooray for the Family Farm cousins!

And hooray for summer hats!

I have a thing for hats on babies. I just love them. I don't do bows or ribbons on her head, but I do love a sweet hat.

Alas, Addie is done with hats. She likes to play with them, but there is zero chance she will wear them for any length of time unless I trick her into it (and by "trick," I mean put it on her head while she's sleeping; and by "sleeping," I mean holding her as she snoozes in the sun).

Only 7 more weeks until someone turns one! Wow!

*

And speaking of 9 and 8...

9 + 8 = 17.

17 - (the number of children we have) = 14.

14 is how many years we've been married as of today.

Unfortunately, that math equation was more exciting than our anniversary was. We had plans for dinner and a movie, but ongoing behaviorial issues with one of the girls derailed that plan. So we did nothing.

I wouldn't say we were happy with how that turned out (we were actually quite the opposite of happy, if you must know), but fortunately (FORTUNATELY!!!) we did see Harry Potter over the weekend (loved it) and just a few days ago we bought tickets to see Jerry Seinfeld's act at the end of September. So, an early movie and a belated comic night will have to stand in for today's lack of anything.

And fortunately, no matter how un-amazing today was, I still feel amazed at having married a wonderful man. (Love you, shmoopie.)

inside, outside, and summer creeks on

We've had fickle fickle weather.

On the downside, it makes me fussy and whiny to have my summer parade rained on (I know some of you are suffering in terrible heat, but your terrible heat has caused our area to have less-than-sunny skies). The upside, though, is that the cold rainy weather forces me to do pseudo-interesting projects like organizing our cupboards and applying contact paper to the inside of bookshelves.

Oh, and I did apply a nifty little decal mural to the girls' playroom wall.

The decal is from Dali Decals (specific decal is this one), and I got a good deal on it because Dali Decals was featured in Groupon a few months ago. Despite the fairy's size, it was surprisingly easy to put up. In fact, placing the stars was more time-consuming than the fairy because I had to individually place each of the stars. And then for fun I added the tin stars that Grandpa Chuck gave the girls many moons ago.

I've been wishing on that fairy every night to bring us some sunny weather. When it's sunny outside, I'm outside. Sitting in the grass. Wandering around the driveway. Watching Addie scoot around. Picking blueberries and raspberries and weeding around the cucumbers and squash.

Either way--rainy or sunny--it leaves me uninspired to be here, as in "at my keyboard."

Add into that equation some significant frustration in the parenting department which I don't feel at liberty to share because I'm not keen on discussing the emotional issues of my children, and well...let's just take a walk to the creek, okay?

Creek days on the Family Farm are what summer is all about.

Here's the view from up above.

And then we find a way down. Mostly it means taking the mule down, but I've been known to just hike on down, baby strapped to my back, my arms full with towels and snacks.

Our little cabin in the woods. It's my understanding that people pay actual money to sleep in cabins in the woods. Indeed, we have friends who visit us every summer, and they stay in the cabin for a few days. I always think it would be fun to stay in there, but then I remember that a perfectly good bed is just a stone's throw away. So I just decorate the cabin, and leave it for others to sleep in it.

A bucket and a pile of sand--you hardly need anything else.

Of course, staying hydrated is very important.

And, okay, a turtle floaty is good too. Buckets, snacks, sand, floaties...and they're happy.

So happy that even a face plant into the sand doesn't keep us from having fun.

Addie has numbers 9 and 8 to show us. It'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Unless it's sunny at the creek again. In which case, I make no promises to be inside at all.

11 & 10

Obviously, I got a little behind on posting Addie's numbers. I had grand intentions of doing something involving sparklers for Addie's Fourth of July photo, but it didn't happen, so 11 flags will have to be sufficient.

And for 10 (which I took on her 10-month birthday!), a tribute to one of our favorite read-aloud books.

There was one little baby who was born far away.
And another who was born on the very next day.
And both of these babies, as everyone knows,
Had ten little fingers and ten little toes.

...

But the next baby born was truly divine,
a sweet little child who was mine, all mine.
And this baby, as everyone knows,
has ten little fingers,
ten little toes,
and three little kisses
on the tip of her nose.

Addie is now officially the latest walker of the 3 girls. Sydney was walking at 10 months, Jules at 9 (link to a video of her walking at 9 months old. Goodness.gracious.so.adorable.), and I did my best to make sure Little Miss wasn't walking at 8. Whew. I don't know when she'll start, but I'm not encouraging her. The longer she stays crawling, the better.

Of course my wishes don't stop her from pulling herself up on everything she sees!

Eating the Weeds

After a spate of cloudy days (well, okay, like 3 cloudy days), the sunshine came out this morning, and we were all prancing about outside like we'd be holed up inside for months.

"Isn't it a beautiful day?" Jules said as we walked down our driveway.

"It is!" agreed Sydney. And then, naturally, I had to start singing. Because that's the kind of crazy girl I am. I have to sing when I'm happy or...well, you don't even want to know what happens.

Oh what a beautiful mor-ning! Oh what a beautiful day!
I've got a beautiful feeeeeling! Every things goin' my way.

I do love me some Oklahoma on a sunny morning.

Then I remembered that my dad had asked me to weed the corn--we have five pretty little rows of corn--so, I grabbed the quilt, a few baby toys, and plopped Addie down next to the garden while I hoed the weeds out of the corn.

I didn't actually get all the weeds out because I need to go through and handpick around the stalks of corn, a job I couldn't quite do because Addie had decided she didn't want to sit on the quilt, she wanted to take a nap on my back in the Ergo. So, jobs that require leaning over had to be postponed.

After I was done weeding, I was feeling so productive that I thought the squash needed weeding. And then I saw that blueberries needed weeding. Oh, and the raspberries. And, while I was at it, I better do the blackberries too.

That weeding the garden business is a slippery slope.

I decided that it was high time I figured out how to use a weedeater. I'm sure I've done some before, but not in many years. And definitely not with my parents' super duper weedeater that would no doubt rip your toe off if you weren't careful (and, actually, it would take a lot of effort to get your toe off because you don't hold a weedeater down at your feet).

My mom gave me a little lesson on how to start the weedeater, and told me several times to make sure I was wearing safety glasses. She did not, however, mention that I probably shouldn't be wearing shorts and flip flops.

I started up the weedeater.

I tried out a little patch of grass in the yard to see if I could do it.

I felt confident.

I went to the garden and zzzzzzzzzzzzzip! Oh no! I accidentally chopped down three raspberry vines (that had berries on them! so sad!). I turned the weedeater to the other side, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzip! Yikes! A five foot high thistle was flung towards my legs. Iturned the weedeater back the other way, and zzzzzzzzzzzip! Ouch! Wet grass traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour flew into my face, my arms, my toes.

I get itchy just thinking about it.

So.

I put down the weedeater. I walked back to my house and picked up my common sense along the way. I returned to the garden wearing my stripey rainboots, bright blue sweatpants, a pink hat, and an old brown shirt. And then I prayed that no one other than family would see me. (No one did.)

A couple hours later, I was hot and covered in grass and thistles and tiny little plants. But! I had weedeated the raspberries, blackberries and blueberries.

It was hard work. And I'd be lying if I didn't make everyone on the farm come out to the garden and admire my handiwork. "Look! Look what I did! I did that! Isn't it pretty?" The hard work was totally worth it though because those berries will be so good.

Good thing those weeds are gone forever. That would sure be a pain to have to weed them again next week.

Oh, wait...

Fourth of July

I started writing this post earlier today, determined to be quick and efficient and then scurry outside so I could be enjoying the amazing, the fabulous, the ever appreciated sunshine that was shining down on us.

My determination came from wanting to write for my poor sister who had to celebrate the 4th of July in the UK (where, naturally, they aren't big on 4th of July celebrations). But I couldn't be quick or efficient, and the creek was calling my name, as were two little people who wanted me down at the creek with them.

Ah well. Timeliness was never my strong suit anyway.

Last year, Jason's assistant soccer coach invited us up to Ridgefield to watch the parade. They saved us seats and everything (which is a big deal when you have to reserve seats the night before). This year, we continued the tradition and kicked off our celebration with a drive to Ridgefield to watch the parade.

Ridgefield's Fourth of July festivities is exactly what a small town celebration should be. Pancake feed, 10k race, kids and pet parade, Main Street parade, bbq at the park, singing, dancing--they have it all. We go because Jason coaches in Ridgefield, and because the parade is awesome and the girls get a bag full of candy. Someday maybe we'll do the whole day celebration, but for now, we just go for the Main Street parade, and hustle on home in order to get ready for the Family Farm party.

This year, we were more prepared for the parade than last year, but this year I forgot my camera. So, the Droid photos will have to suffice.

The girls are well trained to wave and smile, and the candy just rains down on them. Lucky ducks.

After the parade, we headed back home and eventually wandered over to Ty and Sarah's pre-party festivities. I think this is the fourth year they've hosted a 4th of July party, and it's always lots of fun. You never quite know who's coming, but you do know there will be a lot of kids.

And a lot of really yummy desserts.

You know it's gonna be a good party when the dessert table is full.

I didn't capture any early-party photos because I was too busy talking with family and new friends. An old childhood friend of my brother's (and mine) was at the party with his wife. Fun visiting with them. I tried to convince them that all babies are exactly like Addie: sweet and smiley. They weren't quite convinced.

Eventually the sun begins to set, and people begin to wander out to the field with blankets and chairs.

 

Before the Big Firework show, we have the Little Firework show, which is mostly comprised of lots and lots of sparklers.

Various adults would take turns standing around the fire pit (fire barrel? fire bin?) handing off lit sparklers to the kiddos. In case you didn't know, kids don't tire quickly of sparklers. And for future reference, it's handy to have about a dozen sparklers per kid.

Addie got to witness her first sparkler. 

She loved it.

In fact, she loved all of it. The fireworks. The noise. The party. The people.

I thought she would follow in the pattern of my other two girls and be scared of the booms. But she wasn't. I suppose she's witnessed enough meltdowns (from a sister who shall not be named) that fireworks seem like small potatoes.

After the sparklers, there was the annual "firing off of the parachute men and watching the kids run all over the field trying to catch one" tradition. It doesn't matter if you are big or little--it's all fair game. If you can't run fast, tough luck. Next year run faster, kid.

There were more kids than this, but I couldn't photograph them all.

They wait expectantly...and then...

...off go the parachutes! Some years the wind really blows them across the property, but this year they didn't float too far.

And she scored three parachutes! Yahoo!

Eventually we run out of sparklers and parachute men, and it's time for the big guns.

A perfect night for it. Not a cloud in the sky.

I was trying to get some nice clear photos--had the tripod all ready and everything--but little Miss I Love Fireworks kept crawling all over me. So, I got what I got, and my pictures make me smile knowing how I got them.

In an unplanned stroke of patriotic luck, the show ended as the iPod played last strains of the National Anthem. Well, actually the battery on the iPod ran out just before the last note of the anthem. So close.

"And the la-nd of the freeeeeeee....

...and the home...of the..."

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 10)

 

: 1 :

It's fireworks season around here, and so we are treated to nightly explosions of neighborhood people combining a thousand firecrackers into one little mound of TNT and lighting it on fire. If I'm outside, sometimes I can actually feel the *boom*, and I'm always a little petrified that someone has just blown off their hand.

: 2 :

Speaking of neighborhood explosions, I was pulling out of our driveway the other day and saw a neighbor across the street staring down at the ground with a rifle slung over his shoulder (I say rifle, but I know nothing about guns except that it had a long barrel). I presume he was hunting moles, and was waiting for it to pop up before shooting its poor little head off.

Between the moles and the duck-hunting (that they do in season at the lake across the street) and assorted other emotional issues, we hear lots of gunshots from our neighbors. Oh country living. How you charm and mystify me.

: 3 :

Ty and Sarah are having their annual 4th of July picnic, and I've been put in charge of the playlist for both the party and the fireworks explosion. The party music will be easy (lots of U2, Springsteen and Mellencamp should do the trick), but the fireworks music will be more specific. Any songs you feel DEFINITELY belong in a musical interlude for fireworks?

: 4 :

Speaking of fireworks (I'm just full of transitions today, aren't I?), if you're thinking of taking pictures of fireworks, I've found Pioneer Woman's Fireworks Tips helpful, as well as the link round-up from Mom & Camera. Remember, just because you don't have a fancy camera doesn't mean you can't take decent photos.

All I have is a 5MP point and shoot, and I took these:

Granted, they aren't amazing, but I was pretty happy with them.

: 5 :

If you're looking for an inexpensive activity to do with (or without) your kids, consider Regal's Summer Movie Express. Twice a week (or three times a week if your city is like ours), Regal runs a PG and/or G-rated film and it's only $1 admission. Last week Jason and the girls saw The Tale of Despereaux (which the girls always love no matter how many times they see it); this week Jason and Jules saw Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore (which Jason thought wasn't anything great, but Jules thought was funny). Next week I think they're planning on seeing Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

And if you aren't familiar with a film and are wondering if it's safe for your child, I always check out Plugged In. It does a nice job highlighting potential problems.

: 6 :

Sydney and I found ourselves at the doctor's office today (more on that later), and while we were waiting for her prescription, she tried on glasses in the optometry center.

That girl makes me laugh.

: 7 :

My mom got Jason and I started on watching Murdoch. It's a Canadian forensic/crime drama, set in the 1890s. It's pretty clever, and since there appear to be several seasons, I think it'll get us through the summer just nicely.

In fact, I'm off to go watch one now.

Oh, and Jason made some shortcake to eat with our fresh strawberries. Lucky me!

Have a great holiday weekend! (Oh! And happy Independence Day to my Canadian friends!)

For more quick takes, click here.