Creature Bug

Mirror Mirror

One of the bazillion projects we started this summer was creating a more organized entry way.

Our front door essentially opens up into the living room, but through furniture positioning and coat hooks, we have managed to pretend that we have an entry way.

Here's a little before/in progress from this summer:

Forgive the poor picture quality; it was just a quick snap with my phone.

Jason put up the beadboard, and I added the hooks for all the many, many, many pink coats that we have. Yes. We like pink.

We added the bench (from IKEA), and then later on in the summer Jason added a shelf above the coats. And then ever since then, I have been looking for a mirror. I actually thought it was going to be super easy to get the mirror because I had seen one I liked over at Young House Love. It's from Target.

But here's the thing: I just didn't have it in me to paint a mirror. I love that mirror. I do. But it's black, and I wanted white, and I have been up to my elbows in paint for a few months now, and painting a mirror just wasn't on my list of things to do.

So I kept looking. Pier One. World Market. Target. Fred Meyer. Walmart. Local vintage stores.

Nothing spoke to me.

Then today, armed with a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond, I went looking for the mirror.

Addie and I found it.

I spotted it the minute I walked in, put it in the cart, and as we wandered a bit around the store, Addie couldn't stop petting it and saying, "Nice."

I'm so tickled with it, I'm not even waiting for the sun to come up so I can take a decent picture of it.

Yes, yes, the overall look isn't complete yet (I think I'll need to cover that bulletin board with fabric), and the door needs to be painted, but the mirror is up. Huzzah!

I just love it. I love it so much I decided not to trouble Jason with putting it up. And, okay, I was a little impatient to finally put the mirror up.

The directions called for a 3/16" drill bit, and so I found it.

I drilled the holes, hammered in the wall anchors, drilled in the screws, and voila! Mirror hung.

Living in this house has taught me a lot, and today I was again reminded that I am fully capable of weilding a drill. And lesson #2: sometimes you just have to wait until the perfect piece pops up. We had to go mirrorless for a few months, but it was worth it.

Happy clam am I.

Now if only I could find the curtains I'm imagining for our living room...

How about you? Anything you're searching for?

Thoughts on waiting for projects to be finished

A few weeks ago, we decided that we would do some significant upgrading to the house. Some new floors, tile backsplash, and a new tub are just a few of the several things. Since then, approximately "not much" has happened. We have the funds to do the upgrading; we know what we want (in general terms); we even have names of local contractors who can help us do the projects.

Still.

It's amazing how slow these things happen.

Because here's the thing: I want someone who comes recommended and who has a reputation for doing a good job. Turns out, the contractors recommended to us are busy. Quite busy. Awfully busy. Won't-get-the-floors-in-before-Thanksgiving busy. They keep working because there are still some people out there who need jobs done and word of mouth gets them jobs.

We talked to one guy. He's busy until Christmas. We talked to another guy (who is doing work at Ty and Sarah's) and after a week of phone tag and conflicting schedules, we finally got him to come out tonight to take a look at what we want done. He's working all this week, but he'll get back to us next week. I'm pretty sure that he's the guy we'll go with because I've seen his work, and I know I can trust him.

Now, I know that we could go to Home Depot, pick out flooring, hire one of their people to do the job, and then a week later have new flooring installed. I'm sure people do this all the time. We could also call a plumber and have them do some work too.

But since we have several projects that need to be done, then we figured it would be more economical and less stressful to have a contractor and his trusted sub-contractors do the projects. Supposedly, general contractors need work.

They do, of course, need work. Just not necessarily right now! at this exact moment! when I want everything done right now! So we'll wait because I know that rushing into home improvement projects with an untested worker can be disastrous.

Fortunately, I have lots of practice waiting for things home related.

I just think it's kinda funny. I have money. I want to spend this money. But so far I haven't been able to.

That's the trouble with smart spending. Sometimes it takes a long time to spend it.

Permanence

(The above photo is from 1973. None of the structures are still standing except the mobile home, which was moved to its permanent location at the end of the red line.)

When my grandparents moved to the Family Farm in 1973, they decided to put a mobile home on the property until they could build. As my grandma told the story, she didn't even go look at the home at the sales lot. She heard there was one immediately available and she said, "That's fine. We're not living there for very long anyway." 

A year later, they decided to add on to the mobile home (ergo it is no longer mobile) and add a basement to the addition.

At some point they decided that they just weren't going to build. Not for lack of money, but just because they decided they'd rather spend their money on something other than a mortgage. My grandma was always a bit wistful about having never built her dream home--and probably was never especially thrilled that she wasn't living in a stick-built house--but I know she was also happy that they were able to travel and give money to causes they supported.

When we first moved back here three years ago, it was still very much my grandma's house: Her decorations, her furniture, her home even if she was now living next door at my parents' house. The first year we lived here, we hardly unpacked at all because we figured we'd be building a house soon. We decided not to build, and settled in for an undetermined amount of time. Someday we'd build, but we were fine with not knowing when someday would happen.

Over the past several months, we've rethought the whole "building a house" scenario. It isn't that we wouldn't want to, but I think it's fair to say our priorities have shifted. Over the summer, we were spending $100 a week on treatments for Jules (special food/naturopath/homeopathic/vitamins). Next school year, we'll probably have two kids in private school. Next summer we're traveling to Scotland.

We could have these things.

Or we could have a mortgage.

I never could have imagined myself living in a mobile home long-term. It was partially because I was so determined to build the house we had designed, and it was partially out of pride. Living in a mobile home felt very...blah. I'm pretty sure I even said something to that effect when we first moved here: "I'm not living in a mobile home forever. It's just TEMPORARY."

Oh those stubborn words. They're so tasty, aren't they?

We made a decision a few weeks ago: we're not building.

This field will stay a field.

This view from my window will stay the view from my window.

We decided to choose what my grandparents chose, and no one is more surprised than I am. But once we made the decision, I was so happy.

Relieved.

Excited.

We can't connect the dots looking forward, but looking back? Connected. I can so clearly see God's hand in the events of the last three years. There were some really awful moments, but He got us through it.

Now that we've decided to stay here long term, we're making some long term changes to the house. We already ripped out all the wallpaper and painted. We've changed out light fixtures, repainted cabinets, and reorganized the layout of the house to fit our needs.

We still have the following list of changes:

• New flooring in the kitchen/dining room
• Lights over the dining room table
• Deeper bathtub in the girls' bath
• House numbers on the shed
• Wainscoting in the dining room
• Wainscoting around the basement staircase
• Tile backsplash in the kitchen

And a few other projects like repainting the china cabinet and finding curtains for the office.

Fortunately, before the weather forced us to make all our projects indoor projects we were able to squeeze in an outdoor project.

Painting the house.

This is the house back in June. And, actually before we painted, Jason had a little project that he did this past summer.

It started with a request for a raised garden bed.

And then one raised garden bed became THREE raised garden beds.

And then he built a pergola for good measure. With a hammock. Holla!

So, yes, here's the house pre-paint. And the thing that bothered me the most about the house was that it felt so glaringly out of place. You'd pull in the driveway and it was, all, HERE'S THE HOUSE. I wanted to downplay that announcement.

Isn't that so much better? Granted, the railing was supposed to be painted gray, but there was a misunderstanding with that. But otherwise? I LOVE IT.

We don't have anything planted in the garden beds yet, and we don't have the house numbers on the shed yet, but in due time. I do know the house numbers will be yellow though. Because they'll match...

...the basement door! I wanted a yellow door because (1) I wanted a yellow door and (2) I knew no one can really see the door anyway. I practically had to climb a tree just to get this shot. Just knowing that the door is yellow, though, makes me smile.

1973

2011

My grandparents couldn't have imagined that their granddaughter would someday be living in the house they never intended to keep. But here we are.

Of course, we feel so blessed that my parents want us to live here. So blessed that even without owning a home, we do get to own part of the Family Farm land even if no one is building a house on that land. Not that owning land is the end-all to anything, but it feels good to know we aren't just borrowing space, but rather, we're owners in something that has belonged to my family for more than 70 years.

So here we are.

Home.

December Views {17th}

(The wreath hanging on my parents' front door.)

On Sunday we are having a little birthday party for Miss Jubals, and even though everyone coming is family and has already seen our house, today I decided to get with the program when it comes to decorating our walls.

I tripped down to the basement to find boxes of framed photos and art that hadn't been opened since they were packed away 18-months ago. There's no good reason why I hadn't opened them before except that I just didn't feel like it. But now? Well, I decided now was as good a time as any to go through it.

Inside the boxes were nearly all the things we had used to decorate our room and Jules' room. Though I hadn't forgotten about any of them, it was a lovely reunion to see some treasured items and photos that had once sat on shelves and hung from the walls of our former house. Now they have a new spot, a new place to hang, a new light to catch. Our rooms feel a little more complete.

Tomorrow a trip to Target, IKEA, and Costco will hopefully help me put the finishing touches on our place.

This process of turning my grandparents' former house into our house has been an interesting one. I am very content with where we are living now, even though it is certainly much different from where I thought we'd be about this time of year. I remember quite distinctly saying at Jules' birthday party last year, "Next year, we'll be having her party in our new house."

I was partly right. We are having her party at our new house...it's just not the one we were going to build.

The disappointment of not building has faded away. I didn't think it would, but it has. Mostly I'm relieved that we didn't go ahead with building, optimistically assuming that Jason would get a job after leaving his other one. What a disaster that would have been! But going through our stuff today made me a little nostalgic for where we lived. That red vase, the wooden kaleidescope, my favorite candle--I remember where they used to sit. I can picture vividly in my mind how the pictures hung in our bedroom, how the curtains hung in Sydney's room. It was a good house.

Where we live now is good too, just different. It has a different feel (owing, no doubt, to the fact that part of the living space was once a mobile home), but what a blessing that my grandparents' home was available for us to move into, allowing us to live on the Family Farm. If we couldn't have lived here, then life would be much different...and we'd probably be back in Oregon.

Yet, here we are, putting pictures up on the walls, unpacking all the decorations that make a place feel less like a space and more like a home.

We're here, for awhile anyway. Who knows when we'll build. I've been okay with that for quite some time, but it was just today that I really stopped to think about it, moving things around in my mind to see how I feel.

Turns out, I'm feeling okay. And I'm happy that we've found our home for the next few years.

It is what it is

The spring before I got pregnant with Sydney, Jason decided (along with my input) to enlist in the Coast Guard Reserves. He had all the paperwork filled out, had passed the necessary tests, had the support of his family, friends, and students.

A last minute eye-exam revealed that he is red/green color blind. He knew this, but never thinks of it as an issue. The military told him he could never be an officer because of his 'handicap.'

He didn't enlist.

When he went back to school the next fall everyone wanted to know how boot camp was.

*****

Just over a year before Jules was born I was pregnant and starting my new teaching job. Even though we had told our parents about the pregnancy (with some reserves since I had an idea not everything was quite right), we weren't telling too many people.

I decided to tell my students about my pregnancy on the first day of class.

A week later I was getting ready to leave for class when I miscarried the baby. I canceled class for that day, and I had to tell my students the news when I went back to teach the next day.

*****

A year and a half ago, my parents told us they were giving us land for us to build on. We got a general contractor, hired a designer, filled out pages of paperwork, sold our house. We lived in an apartment for nine months, all the while telling ourselves that the year's difficulties would be worth it in the end. People asked us almost daily when we were going to start building, and we'd hedge with uncertainty.

The economy crashed. Teaching jobs looks scarce.

We decided Jason isn't going to keep his job more than 60 miles away from where we're living.

New jobs don't look promising.

We decide not to build this year. Maybe next year.

At a bridal shower last weekend someone asked me how the house construction was coming along.

*****

One of the things Jason and I struggle with is when to tell people what's going on with our life. We don't want to be the folks who cry "EVENT!" at every turn and then everything falls apart. When do we tell others about the decisions we've made or events that are about to occur, and when do we wait silently, waiting for things to become more certain?

I don't have the answer because the truth is the bottom can always fall out, leaving you feeling foolish. Of course, even if you feel completely certain, things happen beyond our control. A small handicap, a mysterious health issue, a volatile economy...it happens, and it is what it is.

We aren't building our house. This dream that we've spent money on, moved our life for, postponed a pregnancy for, divided our family between two different homes for--it's not happening for awhile. A long enough while that I'm not talking about it anymore. I'm not thinking about it anymore. Don't ask me when we're building. I don't know.

The whole thing is very understanding. Everyone tells us that. It's the smart move to make, they say. I don't know if that makes me feel better or not. I wanted to be the one whose dream succeeded despite the odds, but instead my story is just like everyone else's. Economy crashed. Dreams put on hold.

Except not quite.

We didn't lose our house; we sold it and made a profit.

He didn't lose his job; he quit it so that we could live together as a family.

We aren't searching for a place to live; we're living in my grandma's former house, on the Family Farm, rent free.

Which is why, here at the end of the day, I'm not disappointed anymore about not building. In fact, once I made the decision to not build, I physically felt better. I'm relieved. So relieved. Utterly and completely relieved. Finally something is certain: we're here. We can unpack our boxes, paint the walls, set up residency and start life. No more living on hold; no more waiting. When I told our loan officer today to cancel our loan, she said, "I won't cancel your loan. Your loan will just be in suspension, waiting for you when you're ready."

I laughed and thought, "That's exactly what I'm not. I'm not in suspension. I'm not wondering, wandering, holding my breath, hanging in mid-air, suspended from doing something. I'm moving forward. I'm running forward. I'm loudly stomping my feet forward."

All this time my goal has been to build the house, but sometime this weekend I realized that living on the Family Farm--next to all my family--was really the goal. And just as soon as Jason is done with school, he'll be up here and we'll be all together. Living under one roof; living on the Family Farm.

A month ago I felt foolish about having told so many people about our dream house, knowing that I'd have to explain what went wrong. A month ago I refused to say we weren't building. Come hell or highwater was my motto. We were building, and no one was going to stop me. Then something fell away...my pride? my ego? my senseless determination? my expectations? Whatever it was I realized that it didn't make me a fool to make the decision not to build. We weren't fools for selling our house, for living in an apartment, and enduring this craptastic year of indecision. We made a choice to move, and the end result looks a little different than we thought, but it is what it is.

For the first time in almost a year, I feel good about the future. I'm not nervous, I'm not stressed, I'm not wondering what The Reason was behind all this. The reasons don't matter. I'm not sure there are any reasons. Who cares about the reasons. Life happens. That's reason enough.

I've spent the first six months of 2009 stressed out of my mind. I'm spending the next six months doing exactly the opposite.

Yes, indeed, exactly the opposite sounds absolutely perfect.

So, a guy walks into a job fair and asks, "Is anyone hiring?"

Last week Jason quit his job.

A job that he loves.

A job that pays relatively well (as far as what teachers earn).

A job that has fabulous health/vision/dental insurance for his whole family.

A job in an environment that is professional and supportive.

A job that is 70 miles away from where we're living now.

We stressed and stressed over this decision, of him not going back to work at his school next year. But the truth of it is, the commute--through Portland's rush hour traffic twice a day--would have been really hard, and we just decided that he couldn't stay there even though it's such a great job. So, he wrote his letter of resignation and gave it to the district office.

He'll get a paycheck through August, insurance benefits through September.

After that...it's a great mystery. 

I suspect that Jason is one of maybe 4 people in the country who are quitting stable jobs they loved.

There's no turning back now.

*

Today he went to a job fair for one of the local school districts. The news was not good. Even though Washington's education budget is in better shape than Oregon's education budget (Salem-Keizer has to cut at least $30 million from next year's budget; by comparison, schools around here have to cut a fraction of that), schools are unsure what kind of hiring possibilities they'll have for next year. Not only that, this particular district needs fewer social studies teachers because of a new program they implemented. Not only that, but Jason can't teach middle school in this district because all their middle school social studies teachers also teach English (a common middle school arrangement that I think is really stupid).

I'm getting nervous.

*

We knew it was a gamble to start building the house without Jason having a job lined up for the fall, but I never imagined him not getting a job. I have full confidence in his abilities--if he gets interviewed, he'll get a job because he's an awesome teacher--but my confidence in the interviews materializing is diminishing. I'm not usually one to play the "What if?" game--because I'm a cockeyed optimist and can't bear to think of bitter scenarios--but I'm not ignorant to the reality of our situation.

Right now, we're in fine shape. We still have all that money from the sale of our house. Our monthly expenses are ridiculously low. But once we start building...we'll have a mortgage to pay in approximately 7-8 months.

The conversations we have are miserable:

Jason: Maybe we should wait to start building until I get a job.
Me: What if you get a job in August and then we've lost the whole summer for building because we didn't have faith you'd get a job?
J: Maybe putting us back a few months will be no big deal.
Me: Except losing our construction loan financing and the possibility of getting a crappy interest rate.
J: What if we finish the house in December and we have no money?
Me: That won't happen.
J: What if we lose the house because we don't have any money?
Me:  That won't happen.
J: It could.
Me: It won't.
J: It might.
Me: We'll win the lottery.
J: Sounds risky.

I can hardly think about it. I can't, actually. I've refused to. For months I've told Jason it's not an option to wait until he gets a job (because my sanity cannot handle it). I've reassured him that he will have a job, and if he doesn't then I'll go get a job. But this week of state budget woes has put a damper on my faith. 

And so, at this exact moment in time we don't have a start date. We don't even have a builder now because we couldn't in good faith keep stalling him. It was really sad news to deliver because we've been working with him for more than a year now, and he's a friend of ours.

*

Mostly, I just wish I could see into the future. I wish I knew what to do.

Whereby I pull a rabbit out of my photo folders

I have about half a dozen memes/tags to catch up on (as well as a few questions left to answer), but since I already spend about half my life in Photoshop, it's easy to do a photo related tag. Because it's like, hey, I'm here, so let's see what's going on the folders?

Tamara tagged me, and the rules are to choose the seventh picture from your seventh folder. The rules are also not to cheat, although I was a bit nervous about this one since I have a folder of client photos that I'm not at liberty to share. Fortunately, that's folder #9, so I don't have to cheat. Hooray for everyone.

As a little tangent to photo organizing, I must tell you my father has the world's most mysterious system of sorting pictures. He knows it--his brain is the Rosetta Stone of interpreting the mysterious codes--but the rest of us can't find a darn thing. Even a few weeks ago, I foolishly got on his computer thinking I could find copies of a photo that he had downloaded just moments before. The story ends with me telling my dad later that day to just email me the picture. It's one of my dad's startling achievements (other than his four children, of course) that he could set up a system that befuddles even his oldest daughter.

I, on the other hand, have organization down to a science. All the photos I take are organized by year, then by month, then by whether or not they have been fixed in Photoshop. If I size them down for my blog, they go in a blogpictures folder. If receive photos from my dad via email, they go in a Family Farm folder. I love folders. They make my world make sense.

While I'm not what you would call obsessive compulsive regarding organization, I do seriously rely on it to bring me peace and comfort and warm fuzzies. Obviously, this last school year of living in multiple places and not knowing where anything is has caused severe damage to my peace-and-comfort-and-warm-fuzzies mentality. But then I just go to Photoshop, and look at my photo organization method and the world rights itself again.

   

Me and folders are a match made in heaven.

Anyway, getting around to the seventh picture in the seventh folder, that would be a picture of this kitchen sink.

 

We were having dinner at my friend Paige's newly finished home, and I came prepared with my camera. I took all sorts of idea-pictures, and one of the photos was of this sink that has the most gorgeous view out the window (which I didn't happen to take a picture of because I can't ask a contractor to get me that view).

I spent an hour yesterday looking at sinks. What I know for sure is this: I want a sink that's almost exactly like the one pictured above, except maybe not stainless steel, and maybe I want a partially divided sink (not a full divider, like you're familiar with, but rather a little half divider so that the handles for your pots and pans can easily perch above the divider, like this). But the bigness, the apron, the below the countertop placement? Yes, please.

So, that's the seventh picture. Funny that I found it again just as I was doing sink research. Maybe it's a sign. If only I knew how to interpret the sign...maybe you should interpret it for me. That would make it much easier.

Also, I need to tag people for this, so I'm tagging people who have cameras that I swoon over:

Sarah @ StoutTales
Heather @ Fumbling For Words
Diane @ Violet is My Color

And some mommies who are fabulous about posting pictures of their adorable children (and perhaps I would swoon over your camera too, but I don't know what you have...)

Sarah @ Stitchin' Mommy
Ginger (who's married to The Contractor) @ Raising A.B.E.L.
Katie @ Sweet Fragrance
Amy @ God Made Play Dough

Thanks for the tag, Tamara! That was fun.

And now you all need to tell me about your kitchen sink.